We've all heard the phrase, “love is blind.” When you're in a relationship, especially in the early stages, it's easy to overlook flaws or brush off behaviors that make you uncomfortable. After all, nobody's perfect, right? But what happens when those small, seemingly insignificant behaviors start to pile up? When they turn into patterns that leave you feeling drained, anxious, or even questioning your self-worth?

I've been there. Many of us have. Toxic patterns can creep into any relationship, often disguised as love, concern, or even playfulness. They can be subtle at first, making them hard to identify until they've taken a firm hold. But recognizing these patterns is the first step in breaking free from them and reclaiming your happiness.

In this post, I will talk about 15 toxic patterns in relationships that you should watch out for. Whether you're in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, it's crucial to stay aware and protect your emotional well-being. Remember, love should lift you up, not tear you down.

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other doubt their reality. It can start subtly, with your partner questioning your memory of events or making you feel like you're overreacting to something. For example, they might say, “Are you sure that's what happened?” or “You're too sensitive.” Over time, this constant questioning can make you doubt your own perceptions, leading you to rely more on your partner's version of reality.

In severe cases, gaslighting can escalate to a point where you feel like you're losing your mind. You might start second-guessing everything you do or say, constantly wondering if you're the problem. This erosion of your self-trust can be incredibly damaging, leaving you feeling confused, isolated, and dependent on your partner's validation. At this point, you should start implementing these 20 ways to stop being taken for granted in a relationship.

2. Constant Criticism

There's a difference between constructive feedback and relentless criticism. Constructive feedback is given with the intention of helping you grow, often delivered with kindness and consideration. However, constant criticism is a form of verbal abuse that aims to tear you down and this act is not likely to stop until you learn how to stop being taken for granted in a relationship.

For example, your partner might criticize your appearance, saying things like, “Why do you always wear that? It doesn't suit you.” Or they might nitpick your actions, like how you clean, cook, or even speak. It's not about improving; it's about control. Over time, this constant barrage of negativity can chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel like you're never good enough. You might find yourself trying to change who you are to meet their impossible standards, losing your sense of self in the process.

3. Controlling Behavior

At first, control might seem like concern—your partner wants to know where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing. It can be flattering to have someone care so much, but when this concern turns into demands and restrictions, it's a red flag. Controlling behavior can manifest in various ways, from dictating what you wear and who you spend time with to making all the decisions in the relationship.

your partner might insist on knowing your whereabouts at all times, calling or texting constantly to check up on you. They might try to control your social life, discouraging you from seeing friends or family, or even making you feel guilty for wanting to spend time away from them. This behavior is about power and dominance, and it can leave you feeling trapped and isolated, unable to live your life freely.

4. Emotional Withholding

Love is about connection and vulnerability. But when your partner withholds affection, attention, or communication as a form of punishment, it's a toxic dynamic. Emotional withholding might look like the silent treatment, where your partner ignores you for hours or days after a disagreement. It could also involve them refusing to show affection or engage in meaningful conversations, leaving you feeling neglected and unloved.

This behavior can be incredibly damaging because it creates a sense of desperation in the relationship. You might find yourself doing whatever it takes to win back your partner's attention or affection, even if it means compromising your own needs or values. Over time, this dynamic can make you feel like you're constantly chasing after your partner's approval, never quite feeling secure in the relationship.

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

A little jealousy might seem flattering it can be a sign that your partner values you and fears losing you. But when jealousy becomes possessiveness, it's no longer about love it's about control. Possessive behavior often stems from deep insecurity and can manifest in various ways, such as constantly accusing you of flirting, checking your phone or social media accounts, or trying to control who you interact with.

 your partner might get upset when you talk to someone of the opposite sex or insist on knowing every detail of your interactions with others. They might demand access to your phone or social media passwords, framing it as a matter of trust. However, this behavior is not about trust it's about monitoring and controlling you. Over time, this possessiveness can make you feel suffocated, as if you're constantly under surveillance, unable to live your life freely.

6. Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down during an argument, refusing to communicate or even acknowledge the other. This can leave you feeling abandoned and frustrated, unable to resolve conflicts or express your feelings. Stonewalling often involves avoiding eye contact, ignoring your attempts to communicate, or walking away mid-conversation.

This behavior is incredibly toxic because it blocks any possibility of resolving issues in the relationship. When your partner refuses to engage, it sends the message that your feelings and concerns don't matter. Over time, stonewalling can create a deep sense of loneliness and resentment, as you're left to deal with unresolved conflicts on your own.

7. Blame-Shifting

In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions. But if your partner constantly shifts the blame onto you, refusing to own up to their mistakes, it's a toxic pattern. Maybe your partner hurts your feelings, they might turn the situation around, accusing you of being too sensitive or overreacting. Or, if they make a mistake, they might blame you for it, saying, “If you hadn't done this, I wouldn't have done that.”

This behavior is a form of emotional manipulation that can make you doubt yourself and feel guilty for things that aren't your fault. Over time, you might start apologizing for things you didn't do, simply to keep the peace. Blame-shifting erodes trust in the relationship and prevents any real growth or resolution, as your partner refuses to take accountability for their actions.

8. Love Bombing

At the start of a relationship, love bombing can feel exhilarating. Your partner showers you with affection, attention, and gifts, making you feel like you're on top of the world. They might tell you they've never felt this way about anyone before, or that you're their soulmate. However, this intense adoration can quickly turn into control or manipulation.

Love bombing is often used to create a sense of dependency in the relationship. After the initial rush of affection, the love bomber might start to withdraw, leaving you confused and desperate to get back to the way things were. This push-pull dynamic can make you feel emotionally off-balance, constantly trying to earn back your partner's love and attention. Over time, this pattern can leave you feeling drained and insecure, as you're never sure where you stand in the relationship.

9. Isolation

A toxic partner might try to isolate you from your friends, family, or support system. They may convince you that others don't care about you, or they may create drama to make you choose between them and your loved ones. they might say things like, “Your friends don't understand us,” or “Your family is just jealous of what we have.” This behavior is a way of cutting you off from your support network, making you more reliant on your partner.

Over time, isolation can make you feel incredibly lonely and trapped. Without the support of friends and family, it's easier for your partner to control and manipulate you. You might start to lose touch with your sense of self, as your world becomes increasingly centered around your partner and their needs.

10. Inconsistent Behavior

Inconsistent behavior being loving one moment and distant the next can create an emotional rollercoaster. This pattern keeps you on edge, constantly wondering where you stand and trying to earn back your partner's affection. For example, your partner might be incredibly attentive and affectionate one day, only to become cold and distant the next, with no explanation.

This unpredictable behavior can create a sense of instability in the relationship, making it difficult for you to feel secure. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, trying to avoid anything that might trigger your partner's withdrawal. Over time, this inconsistency can erode your sense of self-worth, as you begin to believe that you're responsible for your partner's changing moods.

11. Guilt-Tripping

If your partner frequently makes you feel guilty for things you haven't done or for expressing your needs, it's a form of emotional manipulation. Guilt-tripping can force you into compliance, sacrificing your happiness to avoid conflict.  Maybe you express a need or concern, your partner might respond with, “After everything I do for you, this is how you treat me?” or “I guess I'm just not good enough for you.”

This behavior is designed to make you feel guilty for asserting yourself or setting boundaries. Over time, guilt-tripping can make you suppress your own needs and desires, constantly putting your partner's needs above your own. This dynamic is incredibly unhealthy, as it creates an imbalance of power in the relationship and prevents you from advocating for yourself

When guilt-tripping becomes a regular occurrence in a relationship, it can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem and mental health. You might begin to internalize the idea that your needs are unreasonable or that you're being selfish for wanting basic things like respect, affection, or time to yourself. This manipulation tactic keeps you in a cycle of self-doubt, making it harder for you to stand up for yourself or recognize when your boundaries are being crossed.

12. Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse isn't always loud or obvious. It can be subtle, like making sarcastic remarks, humiliating you in front of others, or using a condescending tone. Verbal abuse might start with seemingly innocuous comments, such as teasing you about your appearance or making jokes at your expense. However, over time, these remarks can become more frequent and more cutting, targeting your vulnerabilities and eroding your self-confidence.

Verbal abuse can also take the form of name-calling, threats, or constant put-downs. Your partner might say things like, “You're so stupid,” or “No one else would ever want you.” These comments are designed to make you feel worthless and dependent on your partner for validation. The more you hear these negative messages, the more you might start to believe them, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

The effects of verbal abuse are deep and lasting. Even after the relationship ends, the damage caused by these words can linger, affecting how you see yourself and how you interact with others. It's important to recognize verbal abuse for what is an intentional effort to control and harm you and to take steps to protect yourself from it.

13. Domestic Violence

Physical abuse is one of the most overt and dangerous toxic patterns. It's not just about the physical harm but also the psychological trauma that comes with it. Domestic violence can take many forms, including hitting, slapping, pushing, or choking. It can also involve more subtle forms of physical control, such as blocking your exit during an argument or intimidating you with aggressive gestures.

The fear and anxiety that accompany domestic violence are often as damaging as the physical injuries themselves. Victims of domestic violence may feel trapped in their relationships, unable to leave due to fear of further violence, financial dependence, or concern for their children. The abuser may also use threats, such as saying they'll harm themselves or others if you try to leave, to maintain control.

I remember the first time I realized I was in a toxic relationship. It wasn't the bruises that made me see it; it was the fear. The way I jumped every time my phone buzzed, dreading that it might be him. I started distancing myself from friends and family, making excuses for why I couldn't see them. I didn't want them to see the fear in my eyes or the anxiety that had taken over my life. It took me a long time to admit what was happening, but when I did, it was like a weight lifted off my chest. I sought help and found the strength to leave. If you're in a similar situation, please know you're not alone—reach out to someone you trust.

14. Financial Control

Money is a significant aspect of any relationship, but when one partner controls all the finances, it can create an imbalance of power. Financial control might include restricting your access to money, making you account for every penny, or preventing you from working. Your partner might give you an allowance, monitor your spending, or refuse to let you have your own bank account. This kind of control makes it difficult for you to leave the relationship, as you may feel financially trapped.

 if your partner controls all the finances, they might use money to manipulate your behavior or keep you dependent on them. They might say things like, “You don't need to work; I'll take care of everything,” only to use that financial dependency against you later. This can lead to a situation where you feel powerless and unable to make decisions for yourself. The lack of financial independence can also make it harder for you to leave an abusive or toxic relationship, as you may fear not being able to support yourself or your children.

Financial control is a form of abuse that often goes unrecognized because it doesn't leave visible scars. However, the impact is profound, as it strips you of your autonomy and makes you feel like you're at the mercy of your partner's decisions. It's important to recognize the signs of financial abuse and take steps to protect your financial independence and security.

15. Lack of Accountability

In a healthy relationship, both partners should be willing to take responsibility for their actions and work together to resolve issues. However, if your partner consistently refuses to apologize, blames you for everything, or acts like they can do no wrong, it's a toxic pattern that can undermine trust and connection. if your partner does something hurtful, they might dismiss your feelings or say, “That's just the way I am; deal with it.” This refusal to acknowledge their mistakes or make amends can create a rift in the relationship, as it leaves you feeling unheard and invalidated.

A lack of accountability often goes hand in hand with other toxic behaviors, such as gaslighting or blame-shifting. Your partner might twist situations to make it seem like you're the one at fault, even when they're the one who has done something wrong. Over time, this can lead to a sense of hopelessness, as you realize that no matter what happens, your partner will never take responsibility for their actions or work to improve the relationship.

Accountability is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. It allows both partners to grow and learn from their mistakes, fostering mutual respect and trust. Without it, the relationship becomes one-sided, with one partner always bearing the brunt of the blame while the other refuses to change. If your partner lacks accountability, it's a sign that they're not willing to put in the effort needed to maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

Closing Remarks

Recognizing these toxic patterns is crucial for your emotional and mental well-being. Relationships should be a source of support, joy, and mutual respect. If you find yourself in a relationship where these toxic behaviors are present, it's essential to address them—whether that means seeking help, setting boundaries, or walking away.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, loved, and free to be yourself. Don't settle for less. It might be hard to break free from a toxic relationship, but the peace and happiness you'll find on the other side are worth it. Trust yourself and know that you're strong enough to create the life and love you truly deserve. Reclaim your power, and remember that the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.